I Dont Care

No idea about you but I believe that these three words in the title when spoken in the same order imply just the opposite of what they literally mean. And maybe they have a greater effect than the negative counterpart: “I care”.”I dont care” means I do care, its just that I am trying to be rude because you hurt me sometimes before which I can still feel. Although my heart is screaming within, that please try to understand how much I care, but maybe its my ego which is stopping me from giving a voice to my heart.

She(it might even be a he) is the one you love. You care for her and want her to reciprocate. Statistically its not even possible for a relationship to hold on. There are a million reasons for things to fall apart, but theres just one reason to hold on. In your case that one reason fails.Maths triumphs. You can see the sly and wicked smile on its face saying, “I told you, the probability of success is negligible”.Your broken.

The problem doesnt end here, its just the beginning. You come to realise that the universe has played a wicked game. The statistically impossible happenned and you fell for the gal who is your class-mate. So now each day you have to enter the class room with a plastic smile which shouts “I dont care”. You try to avoid her eyes. You try to ignore her altogether. When shes somewhere in the vicnity, you try to hear what she might be talking and then suddenly you tell yourself that you are being stupid and you should just ignore her because you dont care for her.Her absence troubles you because you are desperate to know the reason but you feel handicapped for you can’t ask anyone. That very smile of her which used to make you giggle, now just pierces you heart. Or maybe it just touches your wounded heart which got numb due to the pain and so now you can feel a fresh burst of pain. You start being mean to her. You try to make an alternative world somewhere in your dreams where you are with a better gal than her, or where you somehow get this gal back into your life, whichever one you feel soothing and more conforming to your ego.

So the time goes by and it starts healing your heart.Although the wound never heals fully and sometimes it does hurt. But now you are addicted to the pain. You instead start liking it. You kind of feel a euphoria with this pain. You think you have forgotten her. But then one or two incidents happens which erases this misunderstanding. But now “You dont care” or you try to think so. And the life goes on. 🙂

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14 thoughts on “I Dont Care

  1. hey samnukh…..well written….. its juz amazing !!
    d way u’ve expressesd d whole thing z mind blowing ….i really lyked it !!
    do keep writing more o lyk dis ….ok.
    looking forward to c more of ur work !

  2. yaar….U r an awesome blogger!!

    I will also try blogging..from next year.
    (This year its not a part of my resolutions actually 😦 ).

  3. nothing like that buddy..i thought that the smile that you put on has nothing hidden behind it…was very happy assuming that…………….but cuming back to your post,it sure is touching n u know it….so be happy;)
    you write good.

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