Month: February 2010

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3 Days To Fall Out of Love for Dummies

You are reading this post so I assume that you read my previous post “7 days to fall in love for dummies” and you established yourself as a romantic couple. So now you think you are no more a dummy. But then bitter truths falls on us at the time least expected. So ofcourse not surprisingly for me, you want to throw away this title. Reason might be you got bored, or your subject’s friend is getting hotter and hotter day by day or whatever it might be but you are again having that very feeling of dumbness for you dont know how to breakup. Dont worry, I am again there to rescue you from this cruelty. 😛

Some of the readers of the previous post, for reasons so obvious, were eagerly waiting for my next post on “7 days to fall out of love for dummies”. For those readers, I owe my apologies, for I got delayed by the midsems which were playing havoc with my CPI. Though I dont know whether I was successful in saving my CPI from that butcher’s knife, but I sure do have some good news for you guys and gals(you were the ones eagerly waiting. :P).

Before I even started to run my highly intelligent brain(sorry for boasting, but you atleast owe me this 😛 ) on this extremely urgent topic, I got a proposal for the algorithm. It was about the break-up week, where you get to breakup in 7 days, the days being: Missing day, Jhagda day, Confession Day, Slap Day, Kick Day, Hate Day and finally Break Day, I thought, “huh!Do you really require 7 day to breakup. What a waste of time.”. Now the urgency was further increased for the humanity was in wrong hands. I had to bring forth a better algorithm to save the humanity. And so I invented this efficient step by step guide to breakup in 3 days. So lets directly get to it for a lot many of you must be cursing me for this long buildup. 😀

3 Days to Fall Out of Love for Dummies

PROLOGUE: You proved your mettle by becoming an established romantic couple, some credit to me ofcourse. 😀 But now you are in trouble.Its impossible to bear the torture.You desperately need a change. So you again resort to me. To get you out of trouble, I conjure this guide,step by step instructions to successfully have a breakup. Similar to the previous guide, this one is also based on credit system, the credits lead you to breakup.

DAY-1: The Decision Day.

So you decide to have a breakup. My suggestion to you for this day is to enjoy this day as much as you can. 😉 Just utilize the credits you gained as recklessly as you want. Just pour them like water.By doing so, you may infact gain some breakup-credits. 😉 Morover once you breakup, the credits would be no more valid, they would expire. And I know that you all agree that its better to use them than to throw them away in trash. 😛

DAY-2: The Provocation Day.

You might be wondering what credits have to do here in breakup. I ll tell you now. I believe that it was you who toiled during the valentine’s week. So why not let her have the command during this breakup week. So the more credits you gain, the more easier the breakup will be.

Today is the provocation day. You have to provocate your subject. Do something which doesnt please her. Try to flirt with her friends, ignore her to stare at a hot gal. Use your imagination. Prove her you can win over any gal.:P The more you provocate her, the more credits you gain. Bonus if you could tell her on her face that you are not interested in her, but ofcourse I dont recommend that, for I dont want it to be your last day. 😀

DAY-3: The BreakUp Day.

So the day of freedom arrives. You have provocated her, you have gained credits, now you just need an ignition. Just irritate her somehow, and you are done. “I need to talk to you.” Those very words which you were so eager to listen.She begins the fight, dont let it stop. Just keep on fuelling it by suitable punch lines. You may even praise her friends if you feel the heat subsiding. Just keep in mind that if you fail today, you ll again have to bear the torture for 3 more days. Fight as if you ll die if you lose.

As there is no three word protocol like “I love you” for breaking up so you might get to listen a lot many variants. Just assume they all mean “I am breaking up with you”. Hurray you are out of it finally. Congrats! Just a note, atleast inform your friends about the plans for this day, because if things go wrong, you dont want to be late to be fetched to the hospital. 😀

EPILOGUE: So now you are a free bird. You have mastered in the makeup, breakup. You may now want to consider decreasing the establishment time, for 7 days is a hell lot of a time. So keep me updated if you get an even better algo. You’d be serving the humanity. 😛

Analysis of my Algo: Consider the previous algo where you need 7 days to breakup. In a year, you could be with just 24 gals. But considering the reduced time of my algo, you can be with 36 gals a year. Thats a great improvement I assume. 😛

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Failure is not that bad

Life is not a bed of roses, neither is it fair. I had my own moments of victory, I had my own moments of defeat. Victories used to fill me up with a fresh wave of confidence, while the defeats used to suck it all up. The cycle used to go on until recently.

Surprisingly and paradoxically, the last few defeats have had a completely different effect on me. Eventually I gained confidence through them instead of losing it. Being asked for my password to app on my behalf, getting calls which were to make sure that I was fine, receiving messages from half-expected persons, nullified the effects of defeat. I laughed at myself for being so stupid.

“dont worry, lag jayegi intern. And I believe something better is waiting for u. :)”

The last two lines of this message struck me. The last one made me smile for I imagined the smile on the sender’s face and the second last one led me into thinking. My whole life had been marked by last moment decision changes mostly which were not under my control. And everytime, I thanked god for these decisive moment decision changes for they have always proved correct. The courses which I took at the decisive points dint even used to be in the inventory list. I admit that I have a very poor foresight. I dont want to decide where will I be 15 years from now, because even at the end of 14th year I wont be so sure about it. I believe life is not just a set of completely independent co-incidences, but each event in life carries some significance associated with it. And maybe this one has its own share of significance too.

Now I ve started believing that something better is waiting for me. I just have to prove myself by working even harder. I have to increase my level of excellence for the one on which I am standing now is not enough, as has been proved repeatedly. Now I dont fear failures, for I know I have people to catch me if I fall. 🙂

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Valentine’s Day

So another valentine’s day without a valentine. I entered this day cursing the course of Compilers. While the book was trying hard to tell me how to build an LL-1 parser(dont bother about wat it is :P), my heart was wondering about the keywords love, rose, kiss, valentine and hoping someone would let me know the grammar to generate them.

Meanwhile the world around too was entering into this day. Some were calling their bfs/gfs(god knows how they decided which one to call first ;)), some lucky ones might even be kissing their valentines and a not-so-some-but-a-many must have been sleeping or watching a movie or doing something which in no way has anything to do with entering into the valentines day.

But four of my friends, some thousand and five hundres miles away were doing something very different, not unique though, but a strange way to enter into this day. I d refer to them as “The one who pukes”, “The one with many gfs”,”The resistant one” and “The abstinant one”. And lets call this group as the “I am not drunk army”. 500 ml of a clear liquid or “This thing”(now u know what it means) consumed by four minus ones of this army’s jawans. God knows what they were thinking, or were they even thinking, because now there was no scope of going back to their homes. And so to fight for their existence(for they would have been killed if they had gone home in such a condition :D) they had to now encroach upon one of their friend’s hostel-room.So lets look at how each one of them entered into this world.

1.The Ones Who Pukes:- I hope the name is self-explanatory itself, for the “This Thing” was clearing here digestive tracks. She entered the valentines day fresh and new with all the dirt inside her thrown out. 😀 Lucy gal. :P. She had to be carried to the room from the car. And for a note, I was not at all surprised to hear it.

2.The one with many gfs:- Contrary to you guesses, he was not working on any algorithm to decide which one to call first, rather he was reciting the names of maybe hundreds of gals whom he had met, not met, seen, not seen, kissed not kissed, slept with not slept with ;). Maybe it was some hymn to please God valentine, or maybe he was just drunk. 😀 But if the latter is true, I am surprised. 😛

3.The abstinant one:- I know its difficult to relate the word abstinant to this gal, but ya its true. She dint drink the “This Thing”. God knows how it occured, but she dint. And its not hard for me to imagine how this drama gal entered into this day, for she was giving those saas-bahu dialogues where you get to say “I told you so” but telling it so bluntly and tactlessly wouldnt add up to your viewership.

4. The Resistant One:- As the names suggests, this Darua or u may call alcoholic, was not affected by the ill aftereffects of “This Thing”. He was the one arranging for their night stay, by making the owner of the hostel sleep in the verandah. He entered into this day by babysitting the other three(Ya three is correct, because the abstinant one always requires babysitting even though she might not be drunk :P), and calling me and asking me to write a blog post on it.

So, I sighed, I wish I could have been there. Happy Valentine’s Day to all my friends. I love you all. 🙂

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7 Days To Fall In Love For Dummies

For the past few days some sweet yet strange messages have been finding their way into my phone. Sweet because they are actually sweet and strange because they all share a peculiar feature among them. They all end with a “HAPPY BLAH-BLAH DAY”.God knows where I was living these 20 years for I never heard of these BLAH-BLAH days before. Maybe they were made by some hopelessly romantic couple in the last one year, or maybe it is just one of the many side-effects of getting into an institution like IIT. 😀

So these established romantic couples devised a way for others to enter into their league. “7 days to fall into love for dummies”. Follow the rules for each day and you ll be one of them. An established romantic committed couple, who live in their own dreams, have their own world which is all perfect.So let me give you a tour of these 7 steps to get (into ;)) a girlfriend. But a warning, before any practical implementation, be sure to have someone to save you in case you get bankrupt. 😀

7 Days To Fall in Love For Dummy Boys:

PROLOGUE: You begin the hunt for your gal. Lets call her SUBJECT. You first check your budget. Multiply it by the standard hottness to money ratio, to get the range of hottness in which your subject should fall. Then based on your hottness range, you start hunting for your subject. In confusion, toss a coin. Remember your subject’s friend always appears hotter, so dont get fooled.Choose wisely.

1. Rose Day:- Maybe when god was distributing fragrance to each of his creations, ROSE stole our share. Thats why it smells so good, and we so bad.(Now if you dont believe me, just put your nose into your armpits,:D). And thats why we boys send(give) it to the gals as a messenger sent to the king of an enemy territory. If the king is short-tempered, hard luck for the ROSE else its a good luck for you. In either case, the ROSE is dead, either trampled under the feet of the lady or dehydrated in her hands or hairs.

So the rule of this day is you have to give a rose to your subject. So you give rose to the subject.The more the better. Bonus points if you could afford a little adventure for that bunch of roses, and extra bonus if you could afford a cut from the thorns.

2. Propose Day:- If your reading this then I assume yesterday worked well and you are not in any hospital. :D. So today is propose day. This officially gives your subject the right on your purse. Preparations for this day includes a decent dress, lots of perfume(thnx to the rose scandal at the beginning of the world), some love quotes memorised by heart(google them, I am not good at it) and infinite number of other stuffs based on ur innovation and your budget. Bonus points if you make your own love song and extra bonus if you buy some souveniers which she likes(theres high probability of this extra bonus as your subject usually likes anything for free).

3. Chocolate Day:- I am sure the creators of these days were heavily bribed by the companies like cadbury and nestle for today is the chocolate day.Now its your chance or if you want to call it privilege to bribe your subject. Theres only one rule for this day, “BADA AND BRANDED HAI TO BEHTAR HAI.” ;). So the choice is yours, but consult your financer before investing. 😛

4. Teddy Day:- The problem with the chocolates is that by the time you are reading this step, its traces wont even remain in your subject’s body. There should be something tangible. Something she could show her friends and let them know how hot she is. So the Teddy Day got invented which is ofcourse today. The rule for this day is, “CUTER AND MEHENGA HAI TO BEHTAR HAI.” And ya, dont forget to not remove the price tag before giving her. 😛

5. Promise Day:- Today is the false promise day, not a good word for marketing so just strip it to promise day. Today is the day when you get to vomit out all those filmy dialogues into the ears of your subject. Its a rapid fire round. The more dialogues in the given time, the more bonus you get. Time is precious, use wisely. And remember, promises are for free, you dont have to consult your financer. 😉

6. Hug Day:- So finally your investments has started reaping. But dont be impatient, today is just a Hug day. Dont go beyond hugs, or you ll lose those bonuses gained earlier for no reason.

7. Kiss Day:- Ah, I am sure in the beginning some of you must have scrolled down through the post to read how the end would be and must have read this one. You naughty fellows. :P. So today is Kiss Day. The bonus points you have gained are the best used here. ;).Just enjoy.

8. Valentine Day:- If you have reached this far, you are one of those “established romantic couples”. Congrats! Now I wont tell you what to do today as I dont want my post to get censored. Just note that “Chacha Nehru’s Bday” is exactly nine months from now. 😉


EPILOGUE: One week from now, the breakup week starts. So check out for “7 days to fall out of love for dummies”.

For Boys: Note the use of word subject and respect the fact. These rules never work on gals, they just work on a subset which I mentioned as subjects.

For Gals: Although these subject hunters are appealing but please dont fall for them and then blame all of the boys for being insensitive.

For Couples: The phrase “established romantic couple” is just a satire for the relationship between the hunter and the subject. I respect your relationship more than anything and would happily like to become like one of you someday.

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I Dont Care

No idea about you but I believe that these three words in the title when spoken in the same order imply just the opposite of what they literally mean. And maybe they have a greater effect than the negative counterpart: “I care”.”I dont care” means I do care, its just that I am trying to be rude because you hurt me sometimes before which I can still feel. Although my heart is screaming within, that please try to understand how much I care, but maybe its my ego which is stopping me from giving a voice to my heart.

She(it might even be a he) is the one you love. You care for her and want her to reciprocate. Statistically its not even possible for a relationship to hold on. There are a million reasons for things to fall apart, but theres just one reason to hold on. In your case that one reason fails.Maths triumphs. You can see the sly and wicked smile on its face saying, “I told you, the probability of success is negligible”.Your broken.

The problem doesnt end here, its just the beginning. You come to realise that the universe has played a wicked game. The statistically impossible happenned and you fell for the gal who is your class-mate. So now each day you have to enter the class room with a plastic smile which shouts “I dont care”. You try to avoid her eyes. You try to ignore her altogether. When shes somewhere in the vicnity, you try to hear what she might be talking and then suddenly you tell yourself that you are being stupid and you should just ignore her because you dont care for her.Her absence troubles you because you are desperate to know the reason but you feel handicapped for you can’t ask anyone. That very smile of her which used to make you giggle, now just pierces you heart. Or maybe it just touches your wounded heart which got numb due to the pain and so now you can feel a fresh burst of pain. You start being mean to her. You try to make an alternative world somewhere in your dreams where you are with a better gal than her, or where you somehow get this gal back into your life, whichever one you feel soothing and more conforming to your ego.

So the time goes by and it starts healing your heart.Although the wound never heals fully and sometimes it does hurt. But now you are addicted to the pain. You instead start liking it. You kind of feel a euphoria with this pain. You think you have forgotten her. But then one or two incidents happens which erases this misunderstanding. But now “You dont care” or you try to think so. And the life goes on. 🙂